BridgePath Job Jokes: Occupational Descriptions

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything 
and the value of nothing.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane 
because that decreases the chances that there will be 
another bomb on the plane. (Laurence J. Peter)

An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and 
bayonets all the wounded.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the 
sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins 
to rain. (Mark Twain)

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your 
wrist and tells you the time.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell 
in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why 
the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document 
and calls it a "brief." (Franz Kafka)

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking 
for a black cat which isn't there. (Charles R. Darwin)

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't 
know you had in a way you don't understand.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when 
a beautiful girl enters the room.

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to 
think she liked children.

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers, 
but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference 
between a coffee cup and a doughnut.